It all started 185 years ago when I was born. I was a fat baby. It's okay, I can say that. I had a goofy haircut when I was a kid. I got in fights with the kid down the street all the time, then we would be best friends 20 minutes later. I don't know what our problem was. It's always fun getting busted by someone's mom when you're hitting their child, your friend, in the face. We were idiots.
I got called a "nerd" a lot when I was a kid. I had a social studies teacher, Mr. Johnson, that even got in on it. He later got arrested for saying dirty things to one of my classmates. Creepy. So, the point is, I didn't like it. That didn't make me any less nerdy but, in the '80s, it wasn't as socially acceptable to be called a nerd like it is now.
In 7th grade my friend Lance gave me Metallica's "Master Of Puppets" cassette. This event literally altered the course of my life. No joke. I got into metal, then became obsessed with music, then wanted to start a band, then I was in a couple of bands, then one of my bands needed a touring bass player, then one of the guys emailed this girl that he was acquainted with, then she joined the band, we dated, broke up, then realized that we were dumb for breaking up, then dated again, then got married. How's THAT for life altering? It's a shame that Metallica can't write good music anymore.
Somewhere, in the middle of the events from the last paragraph, I made a lot of friends, started skateboarding, had a few jobs, dated a few girls, traveled a lot, developed an even bigger obsession with Transformers, and had a lot of amazing and tragic things happen to, around and on me. I forget a lot of things so I thought it was time I started telling these stories before they're all gone...
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